A letter

Dear oppressive heat and humidity,

Please go away.

Thank you,
Andrew

Anatomy of a Night Out

2000 hours: Watch the Yankees and the Mets losing. Begin strategy session to determine what to do for the night.

2100: Two girls and one guy show up at apartment with bottle of wine. Calls are made to invite others.

2200: Several more people show up.

2230: Apartment reaches capacity, everyone moves to nearby bar.

2400: More people show up at bar. Friend who has been chatting up a girl all evening is invited by said girl to a bar in the Village. He is requested to bring at least two other guy friends.

2410: Cab ride to the Village.

2450: Arrive at Asylum on Bleeker St.

0130: Go next door to see live band.

0135: Live band sucks, return to Asylum. Dancing ensues.

0230: Meet man outside of Asylum with 125lb python. Pictures taken with python around necks.

0400: Asylum closes.

0405: Seeing a limousine in the street, pretty girl in our group goes to convince the driver to take us home. He agrees.

0406: Limo ride through Manhattan.

0500: As dawn breaks, breakfast at Tom's Diner.

0600: Stumble home, fall into bed (yes, alone).

Excuse me, where is Times Square?

If you've ever lived in a place that has a tourist season, surely you know how annoying they can be. They don't know where they're going, they mess up traffic, they crowd your favorite spots, and oh yeah, they pump money into your local economy.

Back in the UP, where gun control means putting your beer down before you aim, the saying is; "If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot 'em?" And who can blame them? All those outsiders invading their paradise.

Here in New York, it's usually a long string of expletives with the word "tourists!!" at the end. And who can blame them? All those outsiders making their already crowded streets nearly impossible to walk down.

Last weekend my mom came to visit, and I got to play tour guide. It was kind of fun to show someone around the city again. Seeing the little bits of New York that made me fall in love with it all over again. There's so much history here, so much culture. It's almost too easy, when you live here, to forget how beautiful it is. How incredible a feat of architecture, art, planning, and surviving went into making this city what it is today.

I am curious about one thing, though. Every time I leave my neighborhood, some tourist asks me for directions. Whether it's Central Park, the Village, or anywhere else, I am always, without fail, stopped to give someone directions. Not only that, but now that it's summer, I'm that guy who takes pictures of all the cute couples. Maybe I should rub the "I live here, but I won't kill you" sign off my forehead. Or maybe I should pull out that "Polite New Yorker" pin I was given and wear it with pride.

Modern-Day Etiquette - Part II: The Umbrella

Umbrellas have been around for more than four thousand years. Art and artifacts from ancient Egypt, Assyria, Greece, and China have all shown umbrellas in common use. Originally used as simple parasols to keep away the Sun, the Chinese were the first to wax and lacquer their paper parasols for use against rain. They were popularized in Europe around the 16th century, and came to be known as umbrellas, from the Latin root word 'umbra,' meaning shade or shadow. At that time, umbrellas were strictly an accessory only for women. Around 1750 (or so), the famous traveler and writer Jonas Hanway began using an umbrella publicly in England and around Europe. This popularized umbrella use for men, who still nonetheless referred to them not as umbrellas, but as "Hanways." Clearly, with a rich, four thousand year history, umbrellas are one of the most commonplace objects all across the world.

So why is there absolute umbrella chaos every time it rains?

Ladies and gentlemen, umbrellas and Hanways, I give you:

Modern-Day Etiquette - Part II: The Umbrella

There are several easy things to remember that will avoid collisions, eye injuries, and getting wet, when using an umbrella while walking down the street.

1) You are now wider. With the umbrella open, you take up more space, and this needs to be taken into account as you walk by buildings, signs, and most importantly, other people. Be aware of how large your umbrella is, and thus how much you must account for its size in your movements.

2) When passing close to someone, there are two factors that go into account for who ought to raise their umbrella to let the other pass. If one person is noticeably taller, that person ought to raise their umbrella as they pass to avoid a collision. (The shorter person, however, must be extremely careful to make sure his or her umbrella does not impale the taller person as they pass. Be especially mindful of that person's face and eyes.) If there is no considerable height difference, the larger of the two umbrellas should be lifted above to allow the smaller to pass underneath.

3) On crowded sidewalks, larger umbrellas should always be lifted above smaller umbrellas. Further, just as one drives only on side of a two-way street, foot traffic should be confined to one side of the walkway. Fighting against a current of people is difficult enough without the burden of an umbrella!

4) Finally, entering or exiting buildings. It is absolutely reasonable to not wish to get wet just before entering, or just after exiting, a building. However, congestion at the entranceway is the primary cause of most umbrella-related accidents. Be mindful of those around you. Do not block the doors. If necessary, it is better to get a little bit rained on than it is to hit someone accidentally with your umbrella.

No one wants to get wet when it is raining. No one wants to lost an eye to some stranger's ill-controlled umbrella. Simply be mindful of each other, and your day, though rainy, will be the better for it.

A Real New York Treasure

Madeleine. Perhaps you've heard of her? For the last four years, Madeleine has been making crepes in the little hut near the Columbus Circle entrance to Central Park. Most people know her as 'The Crepe Lady,' and some would even go so far as to call her 'The Famous Crepe Lady.' Yet Madeleine does more than just make crepes for park wanderers. She talks to people, exchanges stories, and yes, even exchanges recipes. She's known throughout the city for her wonderful conversation, and of course, her incredible deserts.

With the weather cooling off to a decent temperature, I went off in search of Madeleine to Central Park yesterday. When I got to her little green crepe-shack, though, I was startled to find just another soda and candy vendor. Tragedy! Where is Madeleine? I asked the lady selling these pre-packaged sweets. Where is her wonderful crepe grill? The gave me a flier. She's moved.

Once I found her, in her new trendy cyber cafe location, I was a little put off by the place. But Madeleine is still the same. She made some delicious crepes, and sat down to chat all about the move from Central Park to this new cafe. She even brought a slice of lemon meringue pie, on the house. A hopeful quest for a crepe resulted in an hour and a half of fantastic food, wonderful conversation, and that warm-hearted good feeling you get when everything just works out.

It's almost like being in a small town again.

If you're in New York, or ever come to the city, go to the Cyber Cafe on 49th Street between Broadway and 8th Ave. Ask for Madeleine. Bring an empty stomach. Leave yourself plenty of time.

Col tempo la foglia di gelso diventa seta

I've started this post several times these last couple of weeks. I just can't seem to figure out what to say. Sure, there's quite a bit going on, but I'm not one of those people who will pour their hearts out randomly to anyone who may read this. (I will offer suggestions on etiquette, though, that's different.)

For those of you wondering about all the gory details behind the last post--forget it. Anyone I'd be likely to tell wouldn't think twice about asking in person.

What else is new?

This past weekend was another friend's wedding. I know, I know, I'm at the age where all my friends are getting married. Still, I think I'm actually losing count of just how many weddings I've gone to in the last two years. And there are more on the horizon, I'm already counting one for next summer.

This last one was a blast. My hat's off to the groom, who's been a good friend since high school, he found the perfect match. The wedding was a lot of fun, some good food, some good dancing, and a periodic table of the elements dragging behind the car as the bride and groom whisked off to their honeymoon. What could be better?

Since returning to the city, I've been watching a lot of Sopranos episodes. And reading Mario Puzo's "The Godfather." The answer to your first question is yes. The answer to your second question is no.

Heartbroken

"All relationships begin in Passion and end at the Breakfast Table."
--Dorothy Parker

Re-establishing contact

Well, it has been a while, hasn't it? I made no promises, stop complaining.

Just got back from a whirlwind trip to Michigan. The highlights:
-My cousin's wedding
-Seeing a branch of my family I rarely get to see
-The longest conversation with my mother I've had in too long

Good things, all of them.

Now I just have to work my tail off to prepare a preliminary defense of my research for tomorrow. After that, it's summer fun in New York City.

Wish me luck.

Modern-Day Etiquette - Part I: The Cellphone

Cellphone are wonderful inventions. It's true! You can be in contact with other human beings at the touch of a button--from nearly any (moderately civilized) location. Never before has communication been so widespread, and have been able to come together so efficiently. They have revolutionized business, with transactions happening instantaneously. They have revolutionized personal relationships, with low, often free, long-distance rates, people all over the country can keep in touch on a more personal level more often. Cellphones may have been one of the most influential inventions of our time.

That being said, and like so many wonderful and useful technological breakthroughs that have came before, cellphones are perhaps the most abused bit of technology in the world today.

There was a time when being nice to each other was important. There was even a term coined for this idea: etiquette. (From Dictionary.com) Etiquette; n. rules governing socially acceptable behavior. It wasn't that they were necessarily rules to be rigidly obeyed, but etiquette describes several ways of behaving in public that, in general, offends as few people as possible. It seems in today's materialistic and individualistic society that "other people's feelings" are no longer of any concern. Now, now, I know what you're thinking; 'He's one of the those political-correctness freaks, isn't he?' Not at all. I'm not talking about how we should publicly treat massive groups of people. In fact, I think the whole PC craze has gone way too far. I'm simply talking about how we, as individuals, can and should deal with each other. After all, don't you think it's funny that in this age of PC-ness, you hear more complaints than ever about individual encounters?

Like with cellphones.

Please, before we go any further, know that I too have a cellphone. I carry it with me at all times. However, very few people know that I have a cellphone, as I have created a little list of rules for myself on when it is, and more importantly is not, appropriate to use it.

And so I'm writing a modern-day etiquette guide, in parts, to help alleviate the social tensions of the world we live in, starting with cellphones. Who knows where it'll go from here, but I'll take any suggestions I recieve. I offer you now the first installment.

Modern-Day Etiquette - Part I: The Cellphone

Proper etiquette of the cellphone includes the following:
1) Avoidance of excessive noise.
2) Respect of privacy (i) People not on the phone.
3) Respect of pricacy (ii) People on the phone.
4) A good cellphone is neither heard nor seen.

1) Avoidance of excessive noise.
This is first and foremost among cellphone etiquette. Many people are coming to realize that the cellphone going off at the movie, theatre, concert, etc. is a nuisance, and so they are beginning to be more apt to turn off their phones during these events. This is, needless to say, highly encouraged. Yet, it is possible to go further for the benefit of others' peace of mind.

Most cellphones are equipped with a 'vibrate' function to alert you of incoming calls, messages, etc. This function should be used whenever possible. Men generally keep their cellphones in their pockets or on belt clips, and this ideal for the 'vibrate' function. Women may sometimes find it unavoidable to keep their phones on their person and may opt to carry it in a purse or handbag. If this is the case, and it is absolutely necessary that they be reachable by phone, they may turn on the audible ringer. However, its volume should be set such that the person carrying it can hear it but people not immediately next to that person cannot. They should also silence the phone's ringer as soon as they can so as to minimize the effect it has on others.

This also applies to setting your 'ringtones' and such. Under no circumstances should this be done in public. If it is necessary to choose among different 'tones' for one's phone, one should most certainly perform this task in the privacy of ones home and not in public places.

2) Respect of privacy. (People not on the phone.)
This may seem like common sense, but somehow people ignore it. When someone is on the phone, they are in a private conversation between them and the person on the other end of the line. It is quite inappropriate to 'listen in' to their conversation. Reacting to things said is even more rude, and indicates to the person just how rude of a person is the one reacting. However, and this must be stressed, the next two points apply at all time to the person on the phone, and they should be considered equally, if not more so, important.

3) Respect of privacy. (People on the phone.)
Just as you would not necessarily want to hear all the details of the conversation next to you in a restaurant, so do many people not want to hear all the details of a cellphone conversation. Remember, a phone call is a private conversation between you and person on the other end of the line. It is disrespectful to the person with whom you are speaking to be broadcasting details of your conversation loudly in a public place. It is equally disrespectful to yourself. If, for example, you were having a difficult phone call at home on a conventional telephone, you might close the door to the room you are in for privacy. The same ought to hold true of cellphone conversations. They are your conversations, not those of everyone around you. Keep them to yourself.

4) A good cellphone is neither heard nor seen.
This goes hand-in-hand with all the above. In general, people around you should not know you have a cellphone. They should not hear it ring, and they should not see it openly. Caution should be used when deciding whether to answer a call. If you are engaged in some activity or social function, it is probably not a good idea to answer the phone. Answering a call at the dinner table is a good example of when it is best to not answer it, either ignoring it if it is vibrating, or silencing it quickly if it is ringing. Sometimes, however, a call simply must be taken, and that is understandable. If possible, politely excuse yourself from your company. Find as private a place as possible, such as the corner of a room, or outside of the room you were in, or a quiet place outside where there are as few people around as possible. Speak quietly into your phone. The microphone is right next to your mouth, and there is no need to speak any more loudly than is necessary for your sounds to reach it. And above all, conversations in public places should be as brief as possible. It is perfectly acceptable to ask someone if you can call them back at a later time. After all, if you had a conventional phone, they would have had to leave a message at your home.

Cellphones are useful tools, and a wonderful way for people to keep in touch with other people. However, like all things, a certain degree of moderation should apply to their usage. This will help everyone get along better, and will reduce the complaints and general frustration of many.

Ballroom in Beantown

This past weekend was a ballroom competition at MIT up in Boston. Fortunately, the competition was primarily in the mornings, so I had evenings to wander around the city. I remember the very first time I went to Boston thinking how huge and busy the city was. Now, after living in New York for a while, Boston seems so little, and almost empty. Please don't misunderstand, it is a beautiful city (all that Jacobsville sandstone....ah, takes me back to the UP, except for the whole urban part....). It's just that I was walking downtown on Friday night and the sidewalks were empty, restaurants were quiet, and there weren't even any police or fire sirens. It gave me quite an eerie feeling to be in such an urban area that was so obviously not as densely populated as it looked. Ah, New York, look how you've jaded me. (I don't mind.)

The weekend was nice, after all. My partner and I did well in the competition, winning 4th place in Waltz, 3rd in Quickstep, and 2nd in Viennese Waltz, out of 96 couples. Since it was at MIT, I got to visit an old friend and Brother who is now a grad student there in physics. We went to see Sin City, which was well worth it. Even if you don't care for violence, or want a plot that is profound and intricate, go see it anyway. It is so visually stunning that it simply cannot be missed.

And now it is back to the proverbial grind. Proposals to write, homework sets to finish, and of course, research to eventually find time for. The end of the semester is on the horizon, though, I just have to make it there. Then I have all summer to work on nothing but research--how wonderful that will be!

I've had "Barrett's Privateers" in my head for three days now, as well. If you don't know the song, you should. If you do know the song, then you surely must know how much I miss Thursday nights at the Ramada in Houghton....

Urban Jungle?

If you had asked me what the very last thing I expected to see walking down 34th Street around midnight last Tuesday night, I very well may have answered with "elephants." Nonetheless, last Tuesday night, around midnight, several elephants with a full police escort came walking single-file down 34th Street. What a sight, elephants in Manhattan.

For those of you wondering if I've finally succumbed to the crack habbit, the answer is of course yes. Nonetheless, the above story is in fact true. As it turns out, the Ringling Brothers circus is in town at the Madison Square Garden. Apparently, the elephants are too big to be brought onto Manhattan Island by truck, so they are walked through the midtown tunnel and across the island along 34th street to get to MSG. Since this is a bit of a traffic disruption, they do this in the middle of the night on a Tuesday.

Aside from that, this week has been anything but pleasant. Too much work, and not nearly enough time with which to do it. With the exception of a quiet Easter brunch with a friend, I've been in my office all weekend. Sad, I know, but true.

The story so far.

I've been living in New York City for about seven months now. It's a bit of a change from Houghton, Michigan. Here's a quick summary for those of you not familiar with one or both locations:

Houghton:
-Between 5,000 and 11,000 people (depending on whether or not school is in session)
-Everyone knows most everyone else
-It snows from September to May, and this is normal
-The nearest 'city' is a six-hour drive away

New York:
-Around 8,000,000 people in the city (3,500,000 residents of Manhattan)
-Everyone hates most everyone else
-It snows a few inches at most a couple days each winter
-This is The City, there are no others comparable

I would say I've just about gotten used to living here now. I can sleep through all the noise at night, crowded places no longer frighten me, and most importantly, I can navigate the subway system (a feat many New Yorkers cannot claim, I've learned). My midwestern accent is slowly fading, as well as my desire to return there.

I'm in grad school at Columbia. While it is cool to say that I now attend an Ivy League school, I've come to learn that grad schools are more or less the same wherever you go. There's lots to do, no time to do it, but that's ok because it should have been done two weeks ago. I work with a lot of great people, and while we all have our complaints, it's a pretty good department. I have a nice office that I share with some of the other grad students who came in with me. We're on the 14th floor of our building, and our windows look south across Central Park and to the Midtown skyline. The sunsets are stunning from here. (Yes, we're usually still in the office when the sun goes down.)

I dance. A lot. I've stepped up the competitive ballroom dancing, having found a great partner here at Columbia. We've danced in several competitions already this year and have done really well. I'm also still swing dancing. I've joined a Lindy performance troupe called the Manhattan Hoppers, and I go out dancing whenever I can. I've also gotten into salsa and Argentine tango. NYC is wonderful for dance venues. You can literally dance every single night of the week. I wish I could say that I do, but sadly my work gets in the way of that a lot.

So that's about it, really. I have all sorts of "New York Stories" that I'll probably throw into successive posts here, but I've already written enough in this one. I should be working anyway....

And so it begins....

I've sworn up and down countless times that I would never get into this blogging thing. Sadly, that terrible combination of avoiding work and boredom at having nothing better to do has forced me to reconsider. At the very least, I can justify it as an easy way to update everyone on what's going on without constantly writing the same stories in countless emails.

Yeah, that's it.

Anyway, no promises on how often I'll update this, or anything like that. We'll just have to see how it goes.